LifeI haven't written a blog post in ages, and I feel terrible about it as I love my little blog. Work has been totally manic with lots of Christmas corporate events to organise and I've also been really busy with my homeware business. I wanted to settle down and write a post all about why I've been absent for a little while.
Anxiety and Me
|Illustration by Nan Lawson|
This post is going get personal. I'm actually pretty nervous about putting it out there but... here we go.
I have suffered from Anxiety in one form or another since I was very small. My mum and I would describe them as "funny feelings" as I was too young to understand how and what I really felt. This year I decided to take steps to help tackle my stress and anxiety.
I am a creature of habit, I like my little flat to be neat, tidy and cosy and I also like to feel very secure. Life is not always secure though, which can be an amazing thing but sometimes... not so much. This month has been a bad month for me. I've been working flat out for weeks. I have a job as the manager of a creative events company and I have to work very late most nights, I love it but boy is it tiring. on my days off I work on freelance work ( freelance pattern design, photographic styling, writing articles for craft magazines, and working on my homeware business). So understandably sometimes I just crash. Except this month I haven't been able to take a day or two to just relax and do nothing, weeks on end with no break from work really effects my ability to cope with my anxiety. In fact I'm sure everyone would feel rubbish.
I wont make this into too much of a sob story and explain exactly how I've felt this past few weeks as its very hard for people who don't suffer from any form of mental health problems to truly understand. Trust me when I say it can be absolutely awful. I always feel like I'm experiencing heart failure every time I have a panic attack. If you'd like to find out more about anxiety the NHS has some articles. In case you're wondering I fall into the Panic Disorder category.
I've had to learn as I grown up how to deal with situations that make me feel unhappy, stressed or ill as those three things could ultimately lead to an anxiety attack. Now, my best friend Erica is the coolest cucumber of the bunch, totally unflappable and seemingly maxo relaxo and happy at all times. I am a control freak, I relish in creating things that are perfect and I love arriving half an hour before my train leaves. Opposites attract, clearly. But its extremely important to recognise that you can't make everything perfect all the time, you cant work yourself silly and you also have to enjoy the little things. Oh and I have to start following my own advice!
Something that helps me calm down is practising mindfull meditation. It doesn't always erase all feelings of stress but it does help me think more positively. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has done wonders for me too, my boyfriend Simon is amazing at this and he is a wonderful help to me. Read more about CBT here. The point of me writing this is just to let you know that if you suffer from any mental health problems you can help yourself and find others to support you. I would never wish to change my personality (I love being a control freak) but I do try to take steps to change my outlook. Calm problem solving is the key for me and I'm sure one day I will be able to totally control my anxiety problems.
Thank goodness that my work load has eased up a little bit. I am now feeling so much better and in more control, and now I can just concentrate on getting things ready to spend Christmas with everyone I love. I hope that if you suffer from anything like what I have talked about here that you are taking steps to find help and support.
Sorry if this post was a rambling piece of poop but I wanted to get it out there. Expect many more enjoyable posts from me soon.